100 Things On What NOT To Do To The Smurfs
by Nigel Yearning
Summary: This is the first time someone did this in the Smurfs category. This isn't my idea, but what I wrote in it is my work. Prepare to laugh when reading this list of things on what NOT to do to the smurfs. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters**

**Claimer: I only own characters that are "NOT" in the Smurfs comic, tv series, and movie.**

Here is a 100 stuff on what NOT to do with the Smurfs

1. Never steal Brainy's glasses

2. Never make fun of Weepy Smurf for ANY reason

3. Never bring Smurfette flowers that grown in Sloppy's outdoor toilet

4. Never fart near Smurfette

5. Don't tell Gargamel the Smurf Village location

6. If you do, don't lead the way

7. If you do, don't make a dramatic scene

8. If you do, don't set the village on fire

9. If you do, don't come complaining about it to me

10. Don't tell the Smurflings where Human Babies come from

11. If you do, don't show them how they're made

12. If you do, don't come up with an explanation to the adults, just run like hell.

13. Never grab a smurf by the tail

14. Never grab a smurf by the tail and place a Purple Fly on it

15. If that happens, never pull out a gun and put the smurf out of his misery. Use fire instead.

16. When using magic, never use it on Brainy Smurf

17. Because if you do, chances are you might kill him... and break his glasses

18. When using magic, make sure it's not done near Papa Smurf

19. Cause if you do, he'll get jealous and challenge you to a magic competiton.

20. If that happens, don't burn down the forest and blame it on him

21. Cause that won't work, blame it on Gargamel instead

22. Never give a smurf vodka

23. Never give a smurf XXX magazine

24. Never give a smurf pictures of up skirt photos

25. Never give a smurf beef and expect him to eat it.

26. Cause if that happens, you'll spoil them and get Papa Smurf angry.

27. If that happens, don't blame it on Gargamel. Blame it on Brainy.

28. Never grab a smurf at random and kill him, cook him, and eat him

29. Never do what's said in 28 because smurfs taste like rotten smurfberries no matter what you put on it.

30. If a smurf asked if your human in disguise, never tell him you are. Tell him you don't know math and anyone who knows math is either human or human in disguise.

31. If you do, chances they're going to turn on each other with Brainy obviously going to be the first victim.

32. If that happens, don't run into the woods. Run straight for the hills.

33. Don't set a mushroom house on fire and claim that the termites did it, because termites are the size of dogs to 3 inch tall smurfs.

34. If you do, good luck.

35. Don't rig a present with a pipe bomb and give it to Jokey

36. If you do, don't blame it on Brainy. Blame it on Handy.

37. If that happens, don't videotape the fight scene.

38. If you do, never post it on Youtube.

39. Chances are it might get deleted for "Inappropriate Content"

40. If you see the Village Well, never take a dump in it.

41. If you do, don't blame it on Handy. Blame it on Dopey

42. If that happens, you best be not around when the Typhoid comes around

43. And then the E. Coli

44. When going to a human settlement, never tell the locals that you've tried to turn a smurf into gold but ended up with "Fool's Gold"

45. If you do, don't show "real" proof of it.

46. If that happens, they might hang you as a witch.

47. If that's the case, never run to the Smurf Village to hide.

48. If you do, don't run for the hills when the humans come. Run for the Mountains

49. Never make Farmer Smurf's garden radioactive

50. If you do, avoid the Mutant Smurf Eating Plants

51. If that happens, don't claim that you got the idea from me.

52. If you do, then you best have an explanation

53. A dramatic HALARIOUS explanation

54. When traveling through the forest, never set up traps that fling captured prey into trees

55. If you do, never check if it's a smurf

56. If you do, never cook and eat the smurf

57. Because like I said before, they taste like rotten smurfberries. You best be making "Fool's Gold" out of them instead.

58. Never break Vanity's mirror

59. If you do, don't blame it on Clumsey

60. Because that gives you, him, and Vanity 7 years of bad luck.

61. Never introduce McDonolds to the Smurf Village

62. When visiting Smurfette, never get her drunk and do you know what.

63. If you do, don't do the same thing to Sassette

64. If you do, I'm going to hunt you down and make your life as smurfing miserable as humanly possible.

65. Then I'll throw you to the Smurfs to finish the job.

66. When listening to Brainy yap, never kick him out to the Village Limits

67. If you do, say you "accidentally tripped" and "fell down" and your foot happens to "shot up" into his "You know what"

68. Never go out and ask what Grouchy Smurf hates.

69. If you do, don't listen to him saying "I hate blah blah blah"

70. If you do, never take Vanity's mirror and "give him 7 years of bad luck" into his "blind spot"

71. If you do, don't say Dopey did it. Blame Vanity.

72. When visiting Greedy Smurf, never stick a cherry bomb in his meatball sandwich.

73. If you do, don't make sure it's lit

74. If you do, don't video tape him exploding and put it on Youtube.

75. When visiting Sloppy Smurf, never take his pet fly and shove it into a microwave and watch him explode.

76. Cause that already happened 3 times, well sort of.

77. When visiting Handy, don't rig his Table Saw to shoot out it's saw and slice threw him like butter.

78. If you do, make sure Sassette and Brainy isn't around when the saw continues flying.

79. If you do, you know what would happen.

80. When flying on Feathers, never take a dump awhile airborne and make sure it lands on Gargamel.

81. If you do, don't take control of the bird and crash it into his face.

82. If you do, don't run for the mountains. Head underground.

83. When flying on a jet pack, don't go supersonic 10 feet above the smurf village.

84. If you do, then don't come back for a week.

85. When visiting Painter Smurf, never seal his paint tubes up with super glue

86. If you do, never give that glue bottle to Jokey

87. If you do, don't show Painter Smurf Jokey holding it.

88. If you do, don't videotape the fight scene and post it on Facebook.

89. When showing the Smurfs a movie, don't pick the R rated ones.

90. If you do, don't make sure it's a George A. Romero movie like Land of the Dead.

91. If you do, don't turn a smurf into a zombie and have it spread a zombie virus.

92. Cause that happened already.

93. When using the toilet in the smurf village, don't drop a grenade into it.

94. If you do, don't detonate it when it's in the Village Septic tank.

95. If you do, head for Gargamel's Hovel awhile the Smurfs and Snorks are killing each other.

96. Never scare Scaredy Smurf literally to death.

97. Never kill Brainy with a falling Meteor

98. If you do, then don't be surprised that happened already and they were brought back to life.

99. And finally. Never EVER shave off Papa Smurf's beard when he's sleeping.

100. If you do, don't right a Fanfiction story about it. LOL!

**THE END**


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